Getting the Shot
By: Melissa Small
The year started out just the same as the last year, stuck at home with nothing to do. Most of the huge functions where cancelled. For me, as a hit man for hire its hard-to-find work. No one is out and about and annoying other people. Most of my days I've just been sitting around my flat watching Netflix and getting fat, well maybe more defined but not fat. Just like the rest of this bored little world.
I was about to have my second involuntary nap of the day when the special phone rang. "Biscuits, we've got a job for you." Came a voice on the other side.
"Send me the details, usual rates and rules apply. "I told him and hung up the phone.
I proceed to the guest bedroom of the house. Getting down on the floor beside the bed I flipped open the secret compartment there and pulled out the long case containing my sniper rife. I reached back in and fished out the ammo box.
I examined the rifle carefully making sure everything was in working order, and it was of course. No silencer as they really don't work, people watch way too many movies. We in the business just make sure we hit the target on the first try and make a hasty exit. Echo effects, wind patterns and general human foolishness does the work of a silencer for us. People are stupid, so when they hear a shot well it comes from everywhere.
I closed the case and walked towards the door and stopped. I have to put clothes on today. I made my way to the master bedroom and pulled out one of my many indistinct black suits. Debated on bow tie or regular tie and settled on bow tie, they don't get in the way. Returning to the foyer I pulled my trench coat off the wall and slipped it on. Picked up my case, the door suddenly blew off its hinges and this is when my day went to crap.
Cops. Why now? I haven't even hit my target yet. At least let a guy do his bad guy job before you arrest him for what…holding a gun. Alright the gun was illegal, so are the other six rifles in my flat and various hand weapons that I have hidden around the place.
They barely said a word. Took my rifle and bundled me into the back of a black sedan. Surprisingly I was not taken to a police station. Instead, I was taken to this private government building with no windows and the weirdest looking water tower ever on the roof.
Keeping this short I was let out of the car only to end up tied to a chair in a typical, (like the ones from TV), interrogation room. Who ties up a guy to a chair now a days? That's so old school.
Two men came into the room I was dragged into and dropped a huge file down on the table by me. "Is that my taxes? "I asked. "I was hoping someone would do those for me, I keep forgetting."
"Quiet we are asking the questions." This hulk of a man made no effort to hide the fact he was armed and it was in easy reach. A Smith and Wesson 500 if I am not mistaken, I am never wrong about my guns. Not standard issue for the police or government. So not the police or an official government agency either. At this point I know I am about to be royally screwed.
"Are we going to play good cop, bad cop. I love that game." I nodded towards the armed man "That Smith and Wesson you have there makes you the bad cop."
Smith and Wesson, that is his new name, looked at his partner and then smiled back at me. His partner was a smaller man. No indication of a weapon. He was lightly tanned like he had just returned from a tropical vacation. And I shall name him Tan Boy.
I've been in the business long enough to know what a shake down looks like and this was not a good one. Theses two are not that scary. And the whole tying me up to a chair is not how you terrorize a person on my level. Blow torch to the knee, maybe a shot in the leg to start with, that is my level. This was going to be easy.
The door opened and this lovely dark-haired lady with legs for days walked in. She pulled a chair over and sat next to me at the table. Not across, need to make that clear, next to me as in beside. Her skin was as dark as her hair and her eyes were a lovely amber colour. Then I made that mistake, the one all males do, I fell for her right then and there. I was checking her out and the next thing I'm on the floor examining her lovely shoe as it pressed into my face.
"Listen you pathetic excuse for a human being. I am Agent Evora. Biscuits you have now been drafted by your government for a job." She snarled. I wonder if she knows it just makes her more attractive. "And no, you can not refuse." Evora then removed here foot off my head and stepped back.
"There are better ways to hire me. I've done work for you shadow types surely you have my black phone number or my dark web e-mail. Though not that I mind the view from here on the floor." Using this opportunity to look up those wonderful legs. Evora proceeded to kick me in places where you should not kick a guy. I flinched and groaned but managed to keep my composure, as much as one can tied to chair lying on the floor.
"We have a problem." Evora stated. "You are our solution."
"Since I have no choice in taking this job lets talk compen " I stopped talking as I felt Smith and Wesson grab my leg. Trying to kick at him and it was like kicking a rock. He deftly placed what looked like a fancy house arrest ankle bracelet on my leg. "What is that?" I asked.
Evora smiled. "I love this part. We call this the Ankle Biter. You try to run, it bites you. You try to take it off, it bites you. You fail in the job, it bites you. Like most venomous creatures it has a toxic effect. It will kill you painfully. I can explain all the details if you wish but a smart man like you gets the idea." Evora knelt down beside me, by the way another great view, and whispered in my ear "Don't run, don't talk and above all don't piss me off."
"Got it." I whispered. "So, what is the job?"
"Madam?" a guard asked stepping into the room. Evora gave a curt nod and the guard left the room.
"Vaccine is the problem. There are too many people refusing to get the vaccine. So we want you to vaccinate those who refuse to voluntarily take it one person at a time. At least until we can figure out a better solution."
"So, you want me to go out into the public and for lack of a term tag them?" I asked. "And my compensation for this job, beyond not biting me?"
"No, you get a get out of free jail card. We make that rather large file of you activately disappear from officialdom."
"The whole job is going around the neighbourhood tagging people like water buffalo?" I said.
"What if I get caught by the cops." I asked.
Evora sighed "We covered that. You fail, being caught is a failure, you die. Do your job and you live. Fail and you die."
"Alright, "I replied. "Can someone lift me up? I can't feel my face anymore." Smith and Wesson reached down with one hand and lifted me upright.
"So, who's my target?" I asked.
"Are you in a hurry?" Tan Boy asked.
"You could say so. If I don't complete today's assignment, I will have a massive target on my back with a price tag to match. Every hit man and bounty hunter in North America will be gunning for me"
An evil grin formed on Evora's face. "Your client is dead. No need to worry about him. As for his men, let's just say they will be busy for the next ten to twenty years."
"I didn't know the government hired their own hit men or hit ladies to go around killing crime lords and rounding up their goons." I whistled and filed that little tidbit of information away for later. "Since you have put it so nicely. I'm in. Who is my target?"
"Today's agenda is a small. We have approximately fifty targets for you today. A group of anti-vaccers are gathering this afternoon" I need to know how Evora delivered this with a straight face, not playing poker with this lady. Well unless it strip- poker.
"Fifty targets." I stammered. "I can easily hit that many but its going to be hard. Silencers don't work and people are not that stupid. Guns make noise, tranquilizer rifles make less noise but leave these massive needles behind."
"Not a typical gun. We have something new." Agent Evora said and then tapped her watch. The guard returned with a rifle case and place it on the table and moved over to stand with Smith and Wesson and Tan Boy. Agent Evora opened the box and pulled out a magazine would be what looked like a modified tranquilizer rifle. Where one would charge the rifle there was a small glowing chamber. This gun has mods that are out of this world. Literally I think parts of this gun are from another world.
"So you want me to shoot people with an alien tranquilizer rifle?" I asked. "Is it safe to use? It looks a little radioactive."
"It is safe to use, well for the short term and you will not be using this weapon alone." Evora answered. "I almost forgot; you have a partner. Someone else who is avoiding the consequences of their action like you. Meet your new partner." Evora tapped her watch again.
A small humanoid thing came into the room. Now if I wasn't attached to a chair. I would have run screaming like a little girl out of the room. I have been tortured before this is way above my pay grade. This thing was about five foot tall with human like arms and legs. After that it gets weird. He had long tentacles growing out of its head like hair but thicker light purple in colour. On top of it his skin was a light purple hue. His feet have what look like shoes without soles over webbed feet. Which were also the same purple hue as the rest of him. His hands were longer than a normal human and that same purple hue. "What the hell is that?"
Evora grinned "This is your new partner. Meet Chaz. Chaz is visiting us from the Fourth Nebula. Like you he has screwed up. And he also has chosen to help up" Evora placed the emphases on chosen. "Chaz is the reason we are all in this mess and to avoid intergalactic prison he is going help you help us." Evora motioned to Smith and Wesson, Tan Boy and the guard filed out of the room. "I'll leave you to get to know each other. But don't take too long, the protest starts soon. Evora left the room closing the door behind her.
"Hi I'm Chaz." He had flawless a Californian accent.
I responded the way anyone does when you hear that accent "Hey dude. Would you mind untying me? I need to get out here."
"Sorry no can do Partner." He said switching to a flawless Texas accent. "If I ever want to get home again, without stopping at the prison station, I have to cooperate and so do you. My government and your government are now working together to fix what I did."
Chaz sat in the chair that so recently been occupied by Evora "Long story short I visited your world with out permission. I did a fly by; we all do to these pre-spaceflight worlds and crashed my ship. In search of food, I found my way into a local market. I sneezed and well we all know the spread radius of a sneeze. Well, our sneeze radius is so much larger than yours. My snot spittle landed everywhere" He then stopped looked at me. "Are you following this?"
I nodded dumbly, aliens are real, the government knows, the crazy people are right. I cleared my throat "You crashed here and gave us all an alien cold. Now the Men and Woman in Black are using us to vaccinate people with one of your laser guns."
"Correct Dude." Chaz switched back to the Californian accent. I missed something in my description. His teeth are scary, they looked like black mini razors. And at that moment he smiled and just think about a mouth full of mini razors grinning at you. "I'm going to untie you and we are going to go do our job cause well we don't have any choice." Chaz motioned to his leg. There on his leg is an Ankle Biter. "See I got one as well."
Chaz went to work on untying me. It was rather creepy, his hair tentacles helped. The moment the rope loosens I leapt up from the chair and to the other side of the table. "Let go do this job." I replied. "I am so going to miss the end of Bridgerton."
Chaz in a perfect southern accent exploded "Well, slap my head and call me silly, I love that show too. I want a corset but I can't decide which colour. Pink or Blue?"
"No, not going there. And pick an accent. This constant switching is giving me a headache." I picked up the rifle and sighted down the barrel. "How does this thing work Chaz?"