Review of Halloween #1 - #6, H20, Resurrection and Halloween (2018)
By: Moviegoer Grim

Hey boys and girls! Welcome to October's movie review, and yeah, I am excited to talk about the NINE movies that I have elected to review simply because A) I haven't reviewed any of them ever! And, B) It's the season of Halloween and I figured what the heck let's tackle all of the Halloween movie (minus the Rob Zombie remakes, which if ya really wanna know my opinion about them, first was absolutely amazing and the second sucks a slimy frog ass). Before we get started, I am bringing back the howls of pleasure for this issue only. Okay grab a bucket of popcorn (extra butter for me, please) and here we go…

Halloween

All right! We are in suburban California or for the sake of this (and every other of the stories) is Haddonfield, Illinois. Enter some kid who comes home grabs a knife, goes upstairs, and hacks up his topless older sister (gotta love 70s cinema). After his brief round of Slice the Sis, he patiently waited for mommy and daddy to get home to find out that their kid is a crazy killer. Jump fifteen years from then and young Mikey Myers is an adult and has been forced to hang out in a mental institution, until he decided to ditch the joint on October 30, 1978, and go home to kill a couple of teenagers for being, well, hormone-driven teens in the 1970s. Man, I am so glad they had a movie camera that far back… Anyway, he is back in Haddonfield, hacks up a bunch of folks, goes after Laurie Strode for his final victim, and at the end right before he is about to have his way with her (which is a lot sexier than I meant it) Dr. Samuel Loomis hits the scene and BAM! Unloads a full clip into Michael and out the window, but the movie closes with him vanishing. So, for the 1978 classic, Halloween three howls of pleasure!

Halloween 2

So, three years later, in 1981, we get Halloween 2, which picks up right after the first movie, and Laurie Strode is taken to the Haddonfield Hospital. One of the big things that I picked up was that Jamie Lee Curtis was A) noticeably older and B) Was not wearing braces like she was in the first and C) different hair color and style from the original as well. Michael appears and decides to kill a hospital full of healthcare workers because you know they aren't the most underappreciated group of people in society. We get to see a little of old school 80s boob, before he kills the women, so yeah, 80s horror!

In the middle, the creative team dropped a bombshell on us! Laurie Strode is actually Laurie Myers, Michael's sister! Yeah, I know you already know, but in 1981, that was like Earth-shattering news! Kinda like Darth Vader being Luke Skywalker's daddy, we all know it now, but back then, groundbreaking stuff back then, yo! Jumping back into the story, Michael has killed everyone in the hospital and was now on the track his, sis, Laurie (We never figured out why he wants to kill all his family in the first place, but whatever). Reminiscent of the original's ending, Dr. Samuel Loomis hits the scene to save the day and BAM! Or rather, BOOM! Because as soon as Laurie was safely out of the building Homeboy Loomis blows him and Michael to Hell! Very metal scene! My absolute favorite one of these movies we are reviewing here today! Four and a half Howls of Pleasure! Yeah!

NEXT!

Halloween 3 – Season of the Witch

After Moustapha Akkad (the dude footing the bill for all of the Halloween flicks from the fist in 1978 to Halloween: Resurrection in 2002, only because he croaked three years later), made a butt-load of cash kicked out a part three only a year later—although John Carpenter was finished with the Michael Myers tale, but was no fool when it came to more money—this sequel has absolutely nothing to do with the previous two films. So what is this one about?

Well, we are back in Haddonfield, no wait, nope we don't even get that. American Children from coast to coast want a cool mask from Silver Shamrock for Halloween! But, Doctor Daniel Challis (although it would have been so much cooler if it was Dr. Loomis) accidentally discovers a sinister plot by Occult leader and owner of the Silver Shamrock, Colonel Cochran. Now, I'm not gonna lie despite the fact that this does not tie into the Myers storyline, this was a fantastic flick and give it Three and a half Howls of Pleasure because despite Challis blowing up the factory, and get the commercial all but one off the air, which means lots of kids were killed. Metal!

Halloween 4 – Return of Michael Myers

For the next six years, we all thought that Halloween ended at three. WRONG! 1988 hits BAM! We get a part four and shit howdy, our boy Michael Myers is back and he's ready to pick up the hunt for his sister Laurie… No wait that is not the case at all, since Jamie Lee Curtis was a megastar in that year, she wasn't going to pick a Halloween 4 over the masterpiece she started in that year, A Fish Called Wanda.

So, now what do they do? They say forget Jamie Lee and kill off the character of Laurie Strode, that happened off-screen, and then they gave her a daughter that was born, also off-screen, but to stay in JLC's good graces name the kid "Jamie." Ten years after the first one they felt it was a good time to reboot the franchise. Michael comes back to life (with no explanation) to kill a bunch more people and his niece, Jamie, and Loomis come in to save the day, no wait that did not happen! Michael is blown away by police to fall into a mine shaft. Little Jamie, who was so grateful for everyone dying to protect her stabs her stepmom for drawing up her some bathwater. Three out of five Howls of Pleasure and only gets worse from here for a couple of years.

Halloween 5 – Revenge of Michael Myers

Since we all know how boss, Moustapha Akkad is part five was kicked out only a year later. Finally, we can find out what happened to Little Jamie, and find out why she stabbed her stepmom and possibly some inside to how the original's lead died and why Michael feels the need to kill his female family member… All these questions answer from last year's release! Wait. What? None of that happens… Shit. Fine!

What we get is Jamie is in some halfway house and has nightmares of the events of last year. Michael Myers was saved and nursed to health, so he and his dog can be killed. He comes back. Kill, kill. Blah, blah, Michael does drive a cool hot rod, no really, he does. They (which I mean Michael, Jamie, and Loomis) end up at the Myers house and have a good time trying to kill or be killed.

But the cops save the save and Michael is locked up in the sheriff's station, to eventually be escorted to a maximum-security prison. Then a stranger in black arrives and attacks the police station, shooting the officers with a sub-machine gun and causing an explosion. Thereafter Jamie walks through the station finding all the dead bodies of gunned down officers. She trots over to Michael's holding cell to discover that it is empty! The movie ends with Jamie moaning in terror… Why? I have no stinking clue! Two and a half howls of Pleasure!

NEXT MOVIE!

Halloween 6 – The Curse of Michael Myers

This is the movie that caused me to continue after this. This is the ending of the second trilogy. So here we find out what happened at the end of part five? NOPE! In fact, it is now six years later (It took some doing for Moustapha to be convinced to pony up more cash on this franchise) and we find Jamie an adult, although she was only nine-years-old in the previous flick, and by my math would only make her fifteen. So, who's the baby-daddy? Your guess is good as mine. But hey, at least they brought Danielle Harris to play Jamie again. NOPE! Different actress. So, what happens Jamie popped a kid, Steven, and is killed for her efforts in being a test subject for some druid. Confused? Good, so am I let me try to explain.

So, for an unknown reason, Michael Myers is a part of the Cult of Thorn, who were the ones who protected him by cursing him with the Curse of Thorn (no, I'm not making this up). But, in order to make this work he must kill all his family, which leads me to wonder, "Is this before or after he killed his sister in 1963?"

The Strode family moves into the Myers' old house (Don't ask, I don't know) and Mikey pops up pissed off and starts hanging around the place. Dr. Looms and Tommy Doyle, I know the name sounds familiar right? It's because that was the little boy Laurie Strode babysat in the original Halloween. Now, he is all grown up and is pre-Ant-Man (yes, I am talking about Paul Rudd). Okay, back to the story Loomis and Tommy are the ones to stop all of this weirdness, oh, and Michael Myers while they are at it.

Speaking of Mikey, he's on his way to baby-killing, Little Steven, and whoever is at the house while he's there, ya know for ole times and stuff… But the dynamic duo of Loomis and Tommy says’, "Nay evildoers!"

Which leads us to the final scene which goes down in a lab (I think), Tommy Boy injects Mikey with some pretty looking stuff and then beats they holy crap out of him with a pipe. You think this is it as they are walking away, and the curse is broken blah blah. Loomis tells them to go on without him because he has a little business to attend to. Back inside the building, Michael's mask is found lying on the floor of the lab room as the screams of Dr. Loomis can be heard in the background, leaving his fate ambiguous. WHAT THE HELL MAN!? Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers was horrible and wins the Hangman's Noose of a Deadman because it's so bad we went into negative numbers!

On a side note, Donald Pleasence the actor who played Dr. Samuel Loomis, agree to come back for one more at the age of seventy-five and in fact, this would be his final performance, he was really the glue to all of these movies a brief moment of silence for him before we move on to the next film.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

Okay, out of the gate I will tell you that we do not find out anything about how the ending of the previous film concluded, and at this point, it is safe to say, we never will. The Next two movies have nothing to do with Halloween three through six.

Some debate over if it happened or not because in this flick, we find Laurie has relocated to California. Where she is now known as Keri Tate, the headmistress of a small private prep school. She has a rebellious son, John who attends there too. Now, we learn that she faked her own death, to hide, now was this the death given to us with Jamie? Because if she ditched her little girl to save her own butt, that's pretty messed up, homie. Okay, back to the review.

Well wouldn't you know, Michael learns that Laurie is alive and kicking, so he's like, "Road trip!" Steals an old truck and drives to sunny California just to see his sister. Awwww…

When Michael gets to Laurie and John, of course not before killing every living thing there, finds her a bit unhinged. In a game of cat and mouse, Michael is lead away from John, and whoever the hell is still breathing at his point and is rammed into a tree trapped.

Laurie jumps out and says, "Hasta la vista, baby," and chops that mofo's head off with an ax! This was so much better than the previous three and for that, I give Halloween H20: 20 Years Later three and a half howls of pleasure!

PS. Before you load up your old VHS tapes and watch the films so you can send me hate mail, Laurie does do not actually say, "Hasta la vista, baby," but dammit, she should have.

Halloween: Resurrection

If you are wondering, yes. Yes, I am tired. And, I may never watch a Halloween movie ever again or as soon as Halloween Kills comes out. Whichever comes first.

We come to the final film of the past seven movies (I don't count part three for obvious reasons). Where do we find Laurie this time? Well, let me tell you. It has been another three years since Michael was decapitated, but guess what, it wasn't really him. Yep, Mikey did an old switcheroo and he walked away unharmed and quite alive. Yeah, I gowned too. Well, Michael finds his sis in a mental hospital for chopping the head off some dude that wasn't even her homicidal bro.

BAM!

He hits the scene all refreshed and ready to kill and just what? Laurie dies in the first ten minutes of the movie, the Michael Myers and Laurie Strode saga is over and we have like an hour and twenty minutes, WTF, yo?!

Michael was ready to retire as a homicidal madman when Busta Rhymes pops in and says we have this thing call the internet and we gonna live steam a reality show from the Myers' House. Well as you expect that does not set well with Mikey.

It was surprisingly low on the boob count, and meh on the kill count. But what I do want to focus on in this part of the review is how Mikey and Busta Rhymes square off in an old school hand-to-hand combat. In the immortal words of Flavor Flav, "Yeah boi!"

Busta channels his inner Bruce Lee and kicks the holy hell out of Michael, and finally kills his punk-ass by way of electrocution as he got tangled up in loose electrical wires. Where they are at catches fire and Busta nabs the girl and exits stage left.

We close this flick with Michael's body along with the bodies of his victims being carted into the local morgue. The Medical Examiner begins to, well, you know, examine the body, Mikey's eye open and then, BAM!

The scene cuts to black.

While there was some grumbling with the movie, it was fairly fun and entertaining. For me, it was all the cool old gadgets they had like a PDA, who remembers those? Anyhow, for Halloween: Resurrection , I give it three howls of pleasure and would give it another half a howl if they would have made a sequel to this storyline.

Halloween 2018

Holy moly! We are finally here at the final flick! Okay, deep breath… Here we go. Halloween 2018 is the marker for forty years of the Halloween franchise. They do this every ten year, for example in 1988, the first ten years was Part Four after a few years’ absence. Then Again in 1998 With H20 and in 2008 with Rob Zombie's remakes of Halloween and now, 2018 with yet another direction. So, what do we got now, in this version of Halloween, none of the movies after the first one in 1978 never happened? Michael Myers was never identified as her brother and everything we have just covered does not mean spit. Laurie grew up to be a hard-ass woman who has waited forty years for Michael Myers to come back after her. Her obsession has cost her two failed marriages and losing custody of her daughter Karen (COME ON! At least make her Jamie! Sigh…) at a young age and the relationship with her said daughter and granddaughter, Allyson.

So, since Loomis is actually passed, they revised the character to have a handed Michael over to Dr. Ranbir Sartain who plays a kinda useless role in the film. Anywho, the actual plot. So, some podcasters show up at where Michael Myers is imprisoned and gives him his mask that he hasn't worn in forty years, well guess what, he decides he is going to escape and kill a bunch of people while he tracks down, you guessed it! Laurie Strode.

But this version of Laurie is PTSD fueled and she is more than ready for her rubber-faced to show up at her doorstep, which is exactly what happens. It's a Halloween movie, at this point we can skip all the other characters because they are all going to be dead by the end of the movie anyway, am I right or am I right,

So, Michael is in Laurie's house, actually compound is a better word for what it is. They go around in the now-classic game of Cat and Mouse with Michael and Laurie, although there is a fun scene toward the end where the granddaughter Allyson stabs Michael with his own knife! That was pretty metal if you ask me. So, in the mix, Laurie flips a switch and metal bars pop into place that barricaded the exit trapping Michael in the bunker while the entire area fills with gas.

In a classic bass-ass fashion, Laurie ignites a flare and tosses through the bars and… wait for it…

BAM! The entire room is in flames and Michael with it.

Laurie, Karen, and Allyson ditch the burning house and jump into the back of the first truck that would stop. We close with the three hugging, but we focus the camera to Allyson, who is still holding Michael's knife! BAM! Wanna know what I give Halloween 2018? Of course, you do, if not you are either the poor editor reading this dribble or someone who is actually invested in my thoughts. Well, for Halloween 2018 I give it three howls of pleasure! There is talk that after the next two sequels Halloween Kills in 2021 and Halloween Ends in 2022 that either the franchise will either take another break from production for another six-year and revamp again in 2029 or possibly retire the franchise completely. I honestly do not see that happening, and will be waiting to see what happens next, because as you can tell as I move into my fifth page of this movie review—despite my gripes, I am a fan of Halloween!

With that said, I would like to wish all of you a happy and safe Halloween and if I can will myself of another review I may see you next month, but after this, I may need rehab!

Until then.
I remain…
Moviegoer Grim

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