Deal Breaker
By: Melissa Small

It all started on a warm May day in 2020 during the quarantine of the Covid-19 otherwise known as the Corona virus. I was in my garden digging out weeds when from out of the sky fell this thing. At first, I had no idea what had landed only a few feet from me. It took me a second or so for me to see it was a bird. Not a normal bird you'd see in town nor one that would land in a garden. It was a Seagull and he looked like it been through hell and back.

I stared at it and then it did something I was not expecting. It spoke. "Hey, Sorry, I landed in your garden."

"Demon Bird!" I yelled and tossed my small garden shovel at its head. It hit it right in the beak knocking it to the ground.

"Hey that hurt." It said as it stood back up on its feet trying to use its wings to rub is beak. "I'm not a demon. Just be cursed by one."

"Wait I'm talking to a bird. This whole quarantine has gone to my head. Too many days stuck inside with nothing but Netflix and Porn." I replied

"I'm guessing you didn't want to admit that last one out loud." the bird said.

"I'm going crazy. No wait this is just a dream. Alright sleep me its time to wake up." I replied as I stood up and stared pacing around.

"Not a dream. You are not crazy and stop doing that or the neighbours will think you are crazy. Is there a quiet place we could go talk?" It asked.

I nodded and led the bird around back of my house. My house wasn't much. A small house in town with small gardens out front and along side of the house. High bushes and gate blocked the view from the neighbours and the street of the back yard. "We will be able to talk back here. I added the bushes a few years ago after the nudist couple moved in next door. Pretty much that was the weirdest thing to happen in this neighbourhood until this happened. I am talking to a bird. And the bird is following me to my back yard. And now I am talking to myself" It followed me into the back yard, and I closed the open gate just so the other neighbours across the way could see me talking to a bird.

The bird hopped up onto one of my patio chairs. I must remind myself to burn that chair after our chat.

It then spoke. "So, I guess your wondering how I can talk?"

"That would do for starts." I replied watching the bird carefully.

"My name is Mayor Barrow. It all started three days ago when I summoned a demon to help me." The bird began.

"Wait you are Barrow? I didn't vote for you and why would you summon a Demon?" I cut him off.

"Yes, I'm the town mayor. Now let me explain, "the bird crowed out.

"I was desperate and almost out of money. I had major stocks in oil and gas as well as the Disney resorts. All going down hill. I didn't know what to do. I went online and ordered this book on how to get rich quick. It was a self help book I learnt now that it was written by a Demon. Apparently, they all are, "the bird mumbled. "Anyways, long story short on the only thing in the book was a spell, incantation or whatever you call it and well I performed the spell. "

"Mayor since you didn't ask. My name is Mrs. Filion, I'm a senior and What idiot does a spell they find in a book off the internet? "I said rolling my eyes. This guy got elected.

"Laugh it up Mrs. Filion, I was like I said desperate and at the end of my rope. I just thought I'd try. At first the demon helped me. Money came my way and then I needed more and more. And then one day he just took over as me. He's running my office now as I'm here as a bird. I don't' know how to fix this and if I don't know what that demon will do, "The bird chirped out.

"I'm just one person and I don't know magic, but I do know there's a Seer lady in town. Some people call her a Voodoo witch. Maybe she could help you."

"Lady anything would do right now. Can you take me to her? My flying isn't very good as you witnessed and I'd not very good with directions. I had staff for that." The bird then hopped down off the chair and walked towards the gate. "Hey, could se stop at Coffee shop I'm dying for a Latte?" The bird twitted.

"First. You are not getting in my car with out riding in the cat carrier." I replied. "No Dodo in my Subaru."

"Wait what?" the Mayor bird said." Cat carrier?" He squawked.

"Safely first." I replied and went to the garage to get the cat carrier. The bird when I came out was sitting on the roof of my car. He had shit on my front window. "This is why you have to ride in the carrier." I told him. He swore and hopped down off my car and walked into the carrier. I pick up the carrier and set in in the front seat of the car.

If your wondering yes, we stopped for a latte as he would not stop chirping about getting one. Our drive for the most part was quiet, after stooping for the Latte. I pulled up to the Seers house and got out. How as this going to work with the quarantine restrictions, social distancing and all that. Before I could think what to do a lady walked out the house. "About time you two got here. Take him around back of my house and I will meet you there. I need to grab my things, "she said and slammed the door shut.

I stood there speechless for a second time in one day and then I walked over to the side door of the car and pulled the cat carrier out. I set it on the ground and opened the little door. A very jittery seagull walked out of it. Perhaps the latte was not a good idea.

"You know this isn't a very comfy thing to travel in. Pillows, a throw rug, and some sort of side padding wouldn't hurt." He added as he hopped along beside me towards the back of her place. As we walked through, the gates we were greeted by an unexpected site. A literal dump. There were garbage bags everywhere, a rusting out car, old bed frames and even a couple of old toilets. The toilets were the deal breaker for me.

As we got around back of her place, we saw her at her sliding door. She had a bag full of stuff and she told us to set up on the old deck. The deck had seen better days and I wasn't sure if the two stairs up to the deck would support my weight, so I just set up over them.

She jested us to sit down across from her on the deck. She was a good 6 ft or more away from us behind her little lawn table. Well that satisfies the social distancing obligations.

"So, Mayor, "She said looking at the seagull. "You are wondering how to get your body back?" The Seer asked as she started pulling stuff out of her bag.

"Wow you are good. So how do I get my body back?" he asked

"This might just be me, but I was wondering how you knew why we where here and that we where coming." I inquired. "Oh, and a name wouldn't hurt either. People usually just call you the crazy lady, though I have heard people call you The Seer"

"AHH! A nonbeliever." She said. "I have foreseen this event, "she said " "So, you knew this virus was coming and you warned no one about it?" The Seagull asked.

"No, you idiot, I saw you coming after a demon turned you into this bird. I also saw a dumb idiot make a deal with said demon, "She said as she glared at the bird.

"But how did you know it was The Mayor and I?" I asked.

"The cards told me and the Robin. "Seer said.

"Robin? The sidekick in tights" I replied.

"Not the Bat Robin an actual Robin. He got cursed four months ago and came to see me to see if there was a cure." There's a cure alright but none of you want to do it. You have to sacrifice a Baby." She said with a straight face.

"None." The gull said. "Where can I get a baby. Hey lady I'm guessing you will not help me kidnap a kid and offer it too…"

"WTF? How can you even think of this? "I asked standing up out of my chair so fast that it fell behind me and I almost went with it.

"Greedy little Mayor you are." The Seer said. "This is how you got into this mess and this isn't how you get out of it," She then tossed a dead toad on the table cut it open and begin looking through its end trails.

"To release this curse, you must give up what you really want." She replied as she dug around the gusts.

"Do you really need to do that?" I asked as I clutched my stomach.

"No, I don't. did it gross you out?" the Seer asked me smiling.

"Yes, very much so and this is why Witches get a bad rap." I replied.

"I'm NOT A WITCH." She yelled. "I'm a Seer" she then replied calmly.

"Wait I thought you where a Voodoo lady." The seagull said.

"Quiet" she snapped at him. "This is all your fault Gull. Now, where was I?" She said as she rooted though her bag looking for something. "Ah," She said as she lifted out a long dragger. "You need this to kill the demon and this sheep's eyeball." She said as she tossed the eyeball at me.

Like a baseball player I caught it in my hand. It was slimy and gooey. I looked back at her in disgust. "What is this for?" I asked as I desperately tried to hold down the contents of my stomach.

"Nothing, it for nothing. Just wanted to see if you could catch it." She replied with a laugh.

"I tossed the eyeball back at her. She ducked and it hit the wall of the house and pounced off it and hit the gull. He fell back off his perch.

"Hey!" he squeaked as he tried to fly back up on to the chair. Missed the chair and landed on the table. "Not funny at all."

"So how do I just turned back into a human and no funny business" he chirped.

"Kill the Demon and free your body." The Seer said.

"How do we do that?" I asked.

"Well sorry you can't kill the demon all you can do is trap it. "she replied tossing the knife over her shoulder and it lodge into the wall of the house.

"WHAT? Said the bird. "But you said kill it now its trap it? What am I a demon buster? "The bird squeaked.

"No, you are not but Mrs. Filion is."

"So how do we trap it?" I asked. "Demon Buster. Wait I don't want to know." I replied.

"With this." The old lady pulled out along crystal about the size of my hand. It had to be worth a fortune. "There are magic crystals that act as prisons and holders for demons. Once it is trapped it is trapped for 100 years unless you break it and free it. Then well all hell brakes loss as they get really pissed off and will kill the person who traps them." The seer tossed it at me, I caught it just like the eye.

The Seer then reached into her bag and tossed a small bag on the table. "You'll need this too. Its Mavic roots. Drop it at his feet and the touch him with the crystal on the head. Must be on his head. Its best to place the crystal between his eyes. It will draw out the demon."

"You must do this before the end of seven days, or you will be stuck as a seagull for ever or as long as a gull life. Give or take four years minus the predators and weather and…well natures way. If your lucky four years." Seer said looking at the Gull.

"Its already been three days. I only have four days left to find my body, trap the host and take back my life." The bird whined.

"Yes, should be a breeze for you. "That's it I m afraid this session is over, and you own me $250.00. I take direct deposit or any of the major credit cards. No cash right now, you the beer virus and all that" She said as she slid over a bill.

"Payment…I have no money" I said looking at the Bird.

"I don't have pockets in theses feathers." The gull snapped.

"That's fine I will just bill the Mayors office again." She said.

"Again. Wait you are the one who keeps sending the bills for miscellaneous community services?" the bird said.

"Well of course my Feathered friend. I've been the Mayors Seer for a very long time. Its not my fault none of you want to avail yourselves of my services." She replied. "Oh, best not tell anyone you were here." She said.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"You're here during curfew you want to get a fine?" she snapped and left us in her back yard.

I grabbed the gull off the table, and we headed back towards the car. "So, where do we find you?"

"We can try my cottage?" The gull replied. "It's not far from here and do I have to ride in the carrier?" it asked.

"Fine and yes. No poo in the Subaru." I reminded him. I tossed the bird back into the carrier and we headed out. I wasn't sure why I was still helping this birdman find his body. After all Crazy lady was right, we were, I should say I was out after curfew. But this dimwit couldn't save himself. How he ever got elected is a mystery.

The Mayors cottage was on a wooded lot overlooking the local bay. I tucked the car on a dirt trail just off the road. A large sign read TRAIL CLOSED DUE TO COVID-19. "How far to your cottage through the woods?" I asked the bird mayor.

"Five maybe ten minutes walk from here."

"Excellent, we will wait unit dark and start in" Wait a sec, there I was planning to break into the Mayors cottage and assault the mayor with a talking bird on the word of the town's crazy lady. Yup I had officially gone bonkers. Yet it felt right.

As dark descended so did a thick fog. We began to pick out way towards the cottage when I heard a low voice coming out of the fog. Suddenly a huge ball of fire erupted into the sky. Both the seagull and I dove into a nearby bush. I thought for a second the trees would catch on fire, but the flames died down fast into a smaller blueish fire. Standing off to one side of the fire was…the mayor well his body cause the mayor was in the seagull. This would get confusing real fast so standing at the fire is Evil Mayor.

The mayor dove forward, I quickly grabbed hold of his tail feathers pulled him back as he tried to storm in there feathers a blazing. "Relax Gull." I said softly. "Remember the plan."

"Right" it said and then looked at me." How are we going to get that bag at his feet and a crystal against his head?"

"I know yet but I'm thinking." I replied. In truth I was lost. How were we going to fight his guy? I'm a 55-year-old woman whose idea of physical activity is gardening, and he is a Seagull. Not like we'd be much of a threat to him. Then it hit me. Beauty and the beast style attack. "We use our talents. You go around the other side of the fire and I will come in from this side. Wait until I give you the signal and then you attack."

He nodded and trotted off into the fog. Well at least he was smart enough not to try flying again. I then started my attack. "Excuse me kind sir." I said as I walked out of the bushes holding my side. "I'm lost and I'm wondering if you could lend me your phone? My phone died a way back. If I could just call my grandson to come, get me." With luck he will fall for the helpless old lady and not see right though me and know I was here for his body. Well that not want I meant. Oh, never mind.

"So, you are lost." He said still standing over the fire. "Bad place to be lost in." he replied. He then turned to face me. I moved closer.

"Yes, and my grandson will be looking for me. We got separated and then this fog rolled in. I'm sure he's called the police as well. He freaks out the smallest of things." I replied.

He walked over towards me as he got with an arms length the Bird Mayor flew out of fog, yes flew he had obviously figured out flight, followed by a squawk as he Evil Mayor in the back of the head. So, he hadn't figured the whole flight thing out.

I grabbed a log that was laying on the ground next to the fire and hit the man in the stomach. He doubled over. I pulled the sack out and dropped it at his feet. A greenish smoke came out of it and began to envelope Evil Mayor. I had no time to look, I pulled the crystal out of my bag and shoved it as against his forehead as hard as I could. The Evil Mayor screamed as the crystal filled with this dark black liquid. Then there was silence. I looked around for Seagull Mayor, but he was nowhere to be seen. Did it work? Was the Mayor back inside his body?

I heard the mayor moan and then he rubbed his stomach and then his head. "Did you have to hit me so hard? Crazy lady said nothing about hitting me"

"Oh my God it worked. Your you?" I asked.

"Yes, and for an old lady you hit hard." He said.

I kicked him in the ribs. "I'm not old I just kicked a demon's ass." I replied.

"Ouch…yes …and stop kicking "he moaned. Looking at the crystal in my hand he asked. "What are you going to do with the demon? "

"Oh this. Its going to stay I what me and be kept safe. "I replied and place it in my pocket. "As for you no more magic or demons." I replied shaking my finger at him

"Ohh, I'm done with the voodoo stuff." He said as he got up on his feet. "We are done." I replied and started to walk back to my car.

"Wait, the mayor said. "At Least let me thank you with a drink or something. "he replied.

"Can't social distancing and I'm out of curfew, but I will send you a bill for this" I said as I walked back towards the car.

Not a bad day at all. I am going to have to talk to the Seer about this Demon Buster she called. This was actually fun.

A few days Later I was back in my garden pulling weeds. The usual day during lock down when a Squirrel ran past me and said. "Oh my god I'm a squirrel…help me" I signed and mumbled. "Just another day in lock down."

-

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