Mordred the Magnificent and Melina the Marvelous
By: Gabriella Balcom

Mordred the Magnificent, Wizard Extraordinaire,

--------wondered why nothing he did worked—spell, potion, hex—

and winced as he touched his badly-singed, dark hair.

--------Was it possible that he'd been targeted by his angry ex?


Melina the Marvelous, witch and his former partner-fiancee

--------had recently demanded their long-promised marriage.

After waiting for several years, she'd fumed over the delay,

--------and yelled about her dreams of pushing a baby carriage.


When he hadn't immediately agreed to follow through,

--------she'd zapped his behind and head, leaving both smoking.

Verbally blasting him, she'd snapped that his actions he'd rue,

--------then vanished after changing him into a toad, croaking


his horrified displeasure to the world and skies.

--------Oh, he'd undone that spell of hers—eventually—

but since that fateful day, he'd begun to surmise

--------she'd done more to him—something he couldn't see.


Since her departure, his huge appetite had vanished.

--------He'd been unable to get worthwhile, restful sleep.

Constant vomitting and diarrhea his insides had ravaged.

--------And each time he'd tried to talk, instead he'd beep.


Beeping to his left, then beeping his right no less,

--------he'd exasperated all of the other spell-casters.

They'd tried to help—with utterly no success—

--------all the way from the apprentices to the masters.


It had been to no avail. He still beeped,

--------frantically ran for the toilet and upchucked.

His eyes were hollows. His nethers seeped.

--------Clearly, he had truly been foyally rucked.

When Melina finally showed up again days later,

--------He collapsed—crying and remorseful—at her feet.

"Please, sweetheart," he begged. "Don't be a hater.

--------I'll do anything you say. Any terms I'll meet."


Pursing her lips and narrowing her green eyes to slits,

--------she studied him intently for many a long minute.

Then she said, "I recognize the problem. Don't have fits,

--------Mordred. Marry me and I'll help you undo it."


The most lavish marriage of the century soon ensued,

--------attended by every wizard, witch, and familiar.

The feast afterward featured mouthwatering food,

--------desserts, and nectars. The married Ma'am and Sir


soon led all of the other attendees in the very first dance.

--------"Melina, please?" Mordred begged. "The curse?"

Eager for his belly and bowels to calm, he cast a glance

--------at the gourmet fare, longing to dive in headfirst.


Whispering in his ear, Melina revealed the secret.

--------Mouth gaping open and eyes stretched to popping,

he didn't understand her unexpected words—yet.

--------Then, to the astonishment of all, he began hopping


up and down, and proclaimed loudly for all to hear,

--------"When you give your word or make a promise,

keep it. Don't cause loved ones pain or a single tear.

--------My awful bouts with the vomit, poo, and piss.


were nobody's fault but mine. Truly, it wasn't even her.

--------I broke years' worth of my oaths and vows,

felt justified, and didn't expect consequences to occur,

--------but my own conscience can take the bows.


Publicly acknowledging his faults righted his life.

--------His stomach and bowels settled—long overdue.

Kissing his not-so-patient but now-happy wife,

--------he professed, "Honey, you're extraordinary, too."


Mr. and Mrs. Extraordinare—now Extraordinare-ier—

--------lived a long,long life of contentment and bliss.

They had sons and daughters—Grace, Joy, Splendor,

--------Noble, Justice, and Able—none should we miss.


The parents' success was followed by that of their offspring,

--------whose fame in magical circles spread far and wide.

Their feats of both large and small proportions were unceasing,

--------and when they gave their word, by it they did abide.

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