Take On Me
By: L. Alan Russo

Richard sipped on his beer while he groaned in discomfort, he shifted his right butt–cheek and with a bit of effort ripped one that was loud enough to be heard across the street.

"Damn, I'm bored." Richard whined and then, grabbed the PlayBox console controller. "I guess I'll play Steal, Rape and Plunder 5 Online."

Richard punched the start button and found his virtual self standing among a group of other players, each one doing something separate. Then a player caught Richard's attention, the character was dressed as Death and chased people randomly killing them.

Richard grabbed his headset which sat across the couch from him and plugged it into the game controller, "So dude, what the Hell do you think you're doing?"

No one answered.

Richard decided he needed to get Death's attention and ran in his direction, he punched another button on his controller and his character pulled out two pistols. Once Richard was within range he opened fire on the Death looking character.

"Yeah, man, how do you like that?" He screamed into his headset.

The Death character ignored Richard and continued to pummel others in the game, which made Richard upset. He switched from pistols to automatic machine guns and unloaded thousands of round into the cloaked being, until it finally dropped dead.

A loud nasally voice came through the speaker, "Man cut it out, how can you see me? Homie, I got work to do, besides you're not on the list today."

Richard laughed, and said, "You come back to this server and I will do it again."

"Piss off, dude!"

Richard air humped and imaginary person in front of he as he spoke, "I'll keep doin' it, and doin' it, and doin' it right."

He pretended to smack someone's ass. "Oh yeah!"

The voice on the other side of the headset paused for a moment and then asked, "Did? Did you just reference a LL Cool J song from 1995?"

"Yep," Richard said with a belch into the microphone. "Be right back, need to get something."

He set the controller down on the couch next to him and leaned forward to a small coffee table that faced him. There was a small drawer in the center, and he removed it and sat it upon his lap. "Come to daddy!"

Richard looked inside the drawer and found his supply of weed accompanied by an assortment of flavored blunt wraps. "Oooh, let's do blueberry!"

Richard prepared his Marijuana and looked up to the television screen and saw that the Death character had returned to the game and began his digital onslaught of other player.

"As soon as I finish wrapping this blunt, you're ass is grass, dude!"

The Death character turned and faced Richard from the television screen. Richard shrugged his shoulders and said, "What? Medical Marijuana was passed in the state of Arkansas… I got my card bro!"

Without response, Death turned and went back to murdering the players. Richard lit his blunt with one hand and picked up the controller with the other and went straight for the figure of the dead man. Richard held the wrapped weed between his teeth and used both hands held the controller to attack Death.

"Damn it all!" The voice came across the speaker. "If you do not leave me alone, I swear to God that I'm gonna come out of that screen of yours and take that intoxicated slush, you call a soul!"

Richard took a big hit from his wrapped Marijuana and held it as long as he could, while he held the shoot button with his pinky. Before he exhaled the smoke Richard attempted to rap in his best Biz Markie voice, "Ooooh baby yoooou… You got what I need… But you say he's just a friend!"

"Biz Markie? Really from 1989? How old did you say you were," the loud nasally voice asked.

"Yeah, man, he's a classic." Richard replied. The thick smoke filled the small living room, which made it difficult to view the television screen. But, he kept his assault on the guy with the loud nasally voice on the other side of the headset.

Eventually, the dark figure dropped again and vanished from the screen. Richard admired his handy work and begin to do the worst variation of a Nae, Nae dance move humanly possible.

"This is your last warning. If you interfere with my work you are a dead man, I don't care how young of a child you are," the loud nasally voice said with a more ominous tone.

"Ah homie, don't get up set, it's just a game, besides you Can't touch this!" Richard said and stood did a weak M.C. Hammer dance across his living room. He stopped him solo dance performance when Death reappeared on screen, but this time a dark red glow encircled the figure.

Richard ran back over to his couch and grabbed up his controller and attacked Death. "Don't try to compare us to another bad little fad."


"I'm the Mac and I'm bad give you something that you never had, I'll make ya bump bump wiggle and shake your rump."

The Dark Figure turned and faced Richard, "How does a teenager from Arkansas know Kris Kross?"

"I'm not a teenage, I'll be 51 next May," Richard answered despite the fact that he did not cease the attack.

"WHAT?! 51?! Ah, f#ck this!"

The lights begin to flicker and Richard jumped back on his couch. The dark figure on the screen walked slowly in Richards direction. "I warned you!"

He jumped up from his couch leaped over his coffee table and ran to the PlayBox console that sat underneath his big screen TV. Frantically Richard traced the power cord and yanked it from the wall, the screen transformed into a blue void, but Death continued onward until he emerged from the screen and into the real world.

Richard ran from the living room in to his mom's room a dove under the covers, as he hid beneath the blankets the lights suddenly went out and there was an eerie silence until: "Wait! Wait! Don't kill me! Oh man, this strain is some really good shit, I'll share!"

His screams could be heard three houses down the street.


The next morning Mrs. Lawrence turned on the television and saw that a familiar face was on the 9 o'clock news, she turned and called out over her shoulder. "Abner! Abner! Richard's picture is on the news!"

"Well turn up the volume, so we can her what happened," the husband yelled from down the hall.

With the turn of a dial, the old heavyset man on the screen voice could now be heard: "Richard Pillman, age 50, was found dead in his home on Rosston Road from an apparent suicide, but some locals believe it might have been foul play."

A younger African American lady appeared on the screen, "Boo Boo was murdered and don't let know one tell you otherwise!"

The camera pulled back and show the reporter who was holding a microphone and the young lady. "Well Miss, why do you believe it was not self inflicted?"

"Well, Ken, Boo Boo had a lot to live for and the biggest give away that no one is saying anything about is the fact that the PoPo found his body face down and with his favorite PlayBox controller stuck up his ass!"

The camera cut back to the reporter in a close up as he faced the viewers and held his microphone. "Well there you have it folks! Suicide, murder or perhaps a man who loved his PlayBox controller a little too much? You decided. This is Ken Brookemen for channel five news.



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