Movie Review
By: Jason Bechard

Hey, I Watched This! Reviewing Movies I've watched recently.

FAIR WARNING!

This month's article is a "bad news – worse news" type of situation. Meaning, I am reviewing a bad movie, that I watched for the first time, and a worse movie, that I re–watched for the second time.(I'll explain later.)

So, first up, I watched Deep Blue Sea 2(2018), written by Hans Rodionoff, Erik Patterson, and Jessica Scott, and directed by Darin Scott.

Naturally, I didn't have high hopes, for a sequel to, what was a fun, but not amazing, shark attack flick, released 19 years after the original. However, this was NOT a sequel! DEEP BLUE SEA 2 IS A REMAKE! They took a decent, fun, well made shark flick, and "re–imagined" it, by removing the best parts.

I can't even really comment on the actors. None of them are familiar names, although, I think Michael Beach may have played "Asgardian #5" in Thor: Ragnarok. None of them stood out or stole the show. With what they were given to work with, which was obvious cliched crap, they were all equally unappealing. I found myself uninvested in any of the characters. Hell, I was almost rooting for the SHARKS!

The story was altered, just enough, to not be a total carbon copy of the original. The basic premise of a secret, privately funded, underwater laboratory, performing brain experiments on sharks, remains the same. The characters, the motivations, the circumstances by which things turn side–wise, those things were changed, AND NOT FOR THE BETTER! OH! And did I mention, the undetected "smart–shark" pregnancy, with the miraculous birth of a "litter"(?) of baby "smart–sharks". The new shark "expert" immediately recognizes that the "momma" shark is pregnant,as soon as she looks at her, and 2 minutes(or less) later, all the babies have been born, and have already infiltrated the quickly flooding facility. Mind–numbing coincidence! By the way, the baby sharks could only be described as piranha sharks. YA BABY!! PIRANHA SHARKS!

You know what really bugs me about either Deep Blue Sea film? They are constantly struggling to keep the sharks contained within their facility, in the middle of the ocean. If you don't want your sharks getting loose, into open water, DON"T BUILD YOUR LAB OUT IN OPEN WATER! I'm sure there's probably an old, closed down, "Sea World" type of land based aquarium facility you could retrofit! Or, better yet, it can't possibly cost more to build such a facility, away from the ocean, than to build the floating, underwater deathtraps featured in these movies! Just sayin'!

Of course, after the "hero" and the bad–ass "Damsel" survived the ordeal, and blew up the facility, supposedly killing the sharks in the process, we are treated with a final scene, of a busy public beach, where a lifeguard(?) just puts out a red flag, and we see the scarred up and burnt Momma shark, swarming in with her Piranha Shark babies.

WOO HOO! SEQUEL BABY!

UGH!! I give Deep Blue Sea 2(2018), 2 out of 5 stars.

And now…for the "WORSE NEWS".

Let me preface this, by saying, I am writing this review as a cautionary tale. Should you be diving through the dollar bin at Walmart, or scrolling through whatever streaming service you fancy, and you stumble across Amerigeddon(2016), just keep digging, or scrolling.

Written by Gary Heavin, and directed by Mike Norris(son of THE Chuck Norris).

This is right–wing propaganda, to the core. The writer believes the events in this film could happen tomorrow, which seems like your stereotypical conspiracy theory insanity.

A terrorist EMP attack, by a joint Russain, Chinese, and UNITED NATIONS organization, plunges the entire continent into darkness. No power, no cell phones, no working vehicles, EXCEPT for the terrorists, and the ONE Texas billionaire, who saw it coming and was prepared. Yup, this sounds VERY plausible.

The terrorist organization, had already maneuvered the President(implied as being Obama), into declaring MARTIAL LAW, immediately after the attack. Of course, with no power, or communication network, how would the public know? Because the Terrorist military tell them so, of course!

12–24 hours after the attack, the country has turned into something out of The Purge. Major cities are burning, and we see men wearing "Purge masks" stalking a politician's daughter in a college, hacking people with hatchets. WOW! That's exactly went happened in my neighbourhood during the Blackout of 2003!

There's a DIGITAL recording device, that has the leaders of the terrorist organization detailing their nefarious plan, that survived the EMP, because it was in a metal foot locker! There's an "amazing" helicopter dogfight during the climax, between the Terrorist Military's "Channel 4 News" chopper, and the billionaire's 2 seater "plastic bubble" with a propellor. The "Channel 4 News" chopper, had no visible weapons on it, but it was still able to fire rockets, out of its nose, and the 2 seater bubble, had little–to–no instrument panel, but the pilot could tell, when the "Channel 4" chopper had them in missile lock! I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP!

I could continue, but I think you get the picture.

The closest thing to "name" actors in this debacle, are Dina Meyer(Dizzy from Starship Troopers) and the guy who played "Jimmy" the henchman who gets his throat ripped out, in Roadhouse. Every character is some sort of cliche! The young, bad–ass, "G.I. Joe" wanna be. The Billionaire, prepared for everything. His smoking hot daughter, who is both a sharpshooter, and a crazy redneck chemist, that's blows herself up regularly. Meyer is the single mother, struggling to believe what's happening. The sassy grandmother who's ready to fight. And don't get me started on the racial stereotypes!

This really is, one of those movies, that just makes me mad. If you're trying to make a serious movie, but everything about it is utterly ridiculous, I cannot take it seriously.

Besides, the overall visual "look" of the film being polished, I can find NO redeeming qualities for this piece of garbage.

I give Amerigeddon(2016), 1 star out of 5, and I am being generous!

See you next month, Folks!