I has decided to write writing rules. It be my goal to make writers more good than they is. Each paragraph are designed to demonstrate mistake make by me and other. I is sure that if this had not look not right, someone are going to tell me why it are so. I are such a greatest writer that no one has noticing.
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I want to make my next point sort of clear, because it might be easy to be vague while writing. My point will make perfect sense because I will be more or less specific concerning generalized statements. Often I am not ambiguous with this or that sentence when writing now and then. This paragraph might somewhat demonstrate the possible importance of my abovementioned point, perhaps something to do with clarity, in a roundabout way. Something like this kind of writing should cause some agent somewhere to maybe consider you for publication one day – possibly.
Sentence fragments… and one word sentences… sometimes are unnecessary. Really. How? It is for you… to decide when… and how to use them. This is not to say… that they should never… be used. …but they should be used… Effectively! ...for a dramatic impact… Now… can you honestly say this paragraph… is well written? Well? The answer is… Yes. Maybe.
Commas, and parentheses, (most of the time) are like anything else (usually). You need to know, when to use them and when; (watch out for semicolons; also) you should drop them out however especially if they’re,, un,necessary. (I won’t bother to rewrite this paragraph at a later time, if you, don’t mind or; (am I making myself clear?) even if you do.) This, is; a, great; paragraph; isn’t, it?
Any Tom, Dick and Harry can use a cliché. Even a blonde bombshell who is as sharp as a tack may find it old hat. If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a thousand times, don’t use clichés. I say live and learn from these errors or pay the devil his due and end up eating crow with mud on your face. This should be as clear as a bell, so break a leg and write like this before you have to face the music and eat your own words.
Very often it’s easy to use the same words too often. That’s a mistake. It’s very easy to overlook this kind of mistake all too often. Thesauruses are often books which are often very helpful too. This kind of mistake is often very easy to correct. If there were too many mistakes in this paragraph they would be very easy to spot. That kind of mistake doesn’t occur very often here, thank goodness.
One must also refrain from changing topics in mid-paragraph. I think I’ll write a story about a guy who must defuse a bomb or innocent people will die. Wire cutters are good for electricians. A man must decide whether he wants pizza or fried chicken for lunch. Just as he chooses, we notice that the carpet behind him has a stain on it. Someone should really clean it up. The janitor should do it because it’s his job. Speaking of stains, I spilled some coffee on my shirt the other day. I bought the shirt at Wal-Mart but I won’t go back because it’s too far to walk. Like I said, quit changing topics in the middle of a paragraph. I don’t do that and neither should you.
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